Forgiveness starts by forgiving ourselves first.

Often, we find ourselves feeling hurt, maybe we feel that someone has reacted to us in a way that we had not believed conceivable. There is a feeling a deep hurt and distrust, because the kindness we expected was not there. In truth, it just didn’t exist, it is our expectation that did the damage, as we were looking for something special, where nothing special existed. We stay in relationships, because we are social and want to belong. We want to create moments where we feel happy and secure, sometimes it’s a moment of romance or a strong friendship bond. We hold on to those initially moments and endlessly try to recreate them. People have a way of putting on a façade, by creating masks of illusion about who they are, becoming like a chameleon to bond with you. However, you also do the same, it is almost a kind of courtship dance.

The reality is that we are looking, we are yearning for a moment that was nothing more than a second in the millennium of time. Very possibly an invention that we wish to believe in to, entice ourselves into a web of friendship, a connectedness. The manipulation of ourselves! The truth can be that if we do not look at the whole pictures, the reality of the situation, we can end up blaming the other person and believing that the time together was a waste of our life. It’s important to be more positive about the situation and realise that the signs were always there, we just chose to ignore them. It’s so important to take time to stand back from all our relationships and friendships, to realise that they are not a crutch in our lives. In reality, our expectations produce a picture in our head and we are often too near-sighted to “see the wood for the trees”. I wonder if this could be because we are not happy within ourselves and yearn for a link with some type of soul mate, someone outside who will change our lives for the better.

We create our own hurt through false desire for happiness and hope. We let ourselves down when we discover that what we saw as friendship was nothing more than the reality of those first doubts we had and of what might become. We allowed ourselves to live that lie and when our life energy is zapped from us, we blame the other person. However, we allowed the manipulation, we wounded ourselves and lost our own pride.

The way forward is not to allow ourselves to be “involved”, but to accept that who we are is not who other people are. We cannot use our own life blueprint to see others, like fingerprints we are all different. Occasionally, a small life experience will bond us, but we must remember that is all it is, small, minuscule and of no consequence. We must not “glue” ourselves to other people, but keep our attention on our interdependence, because life experience is not certain, even the hardest rocks of the world change shape over time. We must understand that sometimes it is our strong desire for a close personal relationship that is to blame and to forgive ourselves for that the wanting is the first step in healing. Then we may move on and find the compassion to forgive ourselves and let go of the hurt. Understanding that we were not compatible in that relationship or friendship is key to forgiving and letting go of past negative influences. Understanding that other people are not books to be read or pictures for us to paint. We need to forgive ourselves in order to forgive the other.

It is great to understand that it is we who can make the changes to our own lives for the better, by taking the first step by making our own decisions. Knowing that we may fail, but its alight to do so. In relationships, respect the other person’s space and respect your own. Take action for what you believe in. Achieve in your own name, but don’t be afraid to ask for help along the way. I so love the words, compassion in action and that compassion must also include ourselves.